Oral sex begins with the first deep kiss, and continues with kisses all over the body, concentrating finally on the genitals. On the part of the giver it requires a degree of emotional involvement, because it must be done with patience, tenderness, sensitivity and mounting but controlled excitement if it is to be really good. Lovers who give oral sex reluctantly and without generosity or enjoyment make their partners feel guilty and selfish, and too tense and worried to relax and take pleasure themselves.

From the receiver, oral sex requires trust, and the confidence that comes with being made to feel desirable. In sex, as in other areas of life, it is often more difficult to receive generosity than to give it, but the person who succumbs completely to pleasure delivers himself or herself over to the lover, and this also gives a sense of wonderment. It goes without saying that sexual hygiene is of prime importance for anyone who engages in oral sex.

Oral sex for women is called cunnilingus. For many women, cunnilingus is the most exciting of all the variations of sex, and a gentle and skilful lover should be able to make his partner come with his tongue more easily than in any other way. A strong slippery tongue can be used with precision on the clitoris without danger of causing any pain, unlike a finger.

Begin by kissing your partner's face and mouth, and then gradually work your way down her body, kissing and stroking her breasts, belly and inner thighs. Flick your tongue in light feathery kisses along the fleshy folds of the outer labia, smoothing away the pubic hair and then parting the labia gently with your fingers. Move very gradually inwards with your tongue. Vary your movements according to your partner's response. Try nuzzling, burrowing, thrusting with your tongue into her vagina, sucking, long delicate licks, short rapid flicking licks. She may not like her clitoris to be stimulated directly at first, so proceed tentatively until she is fully aroused.

Once she can trust YOU and feel confident that you like what you are doing, she will be able fully to let go in orgasm. Being 'on the spot', a man can get a special thrill from experiencing so directly the blissful effect he has on his partner, as well as from her vulnerability and trust. 

Oral sex for men is called fellatio. The experience of having their penis sucked, licked and kissed is one that most men find intensely exciting. In some cases, there may be psychological barriers to overcome. Some men fear being bitten during oral sex. The woman should open her mouth as wide as possible, and close her lips, but not her teeth, over the penis. Using all the muscles in the lips and tongue will mean that the teeth should not come into contact with the penis at all.

Some women are worried that they may be choked during fellatio. The way to allay this fear is to remain in control: you are the one who should move while your partner lies still, so there is no possibility of his thrusting deep into your throat and making you gag. Some women find the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. Of course there is no need for you to do this if you do not wish to, but many women do enjoy having their partner ejaculate into their mouth.