another sex tutorial

by the Society for Human Sexuality at the University of Washington

Last Modified: April 9, 1996

Copyright (c) 1996 by Society for Human Sexuality. All Rights Reserved.

DISTRIBUTION

You may distribute this document in any form you wish provided it is not charged for and is distributed unmodified and in its entirety. If you wish to somehow sell this document, you must have the permission of the authors. The latest version of this document may be obtained from the Society for Human Sexuality WWW page at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/

GENERAL COMMENTS

As is the case with almost all sex, your partner will know better than anyone else what feels good, so listen to what she has to say, especially as regards comfort and intensity. I'm not going to pepper this document with phrases such as "within the comfort level of your partner" because it should go without saying. Encourage her to talk to you, back off if it's too much, and change it if it would feel better in some other way. Let's face it; if it weren't for good feedback, this document wouldn't exist.

It should also go without saying that every woman is different, and that you should pay attention to what feels good for each person you are with. What I'm going to describe below has worked well with MANY of the people I have been with, but not ALL, and not in exactly the same way with each person. One key thing to get is that you can be communicative and responsive while still being confident. Practice this.

The advice in this document applies equally whether the insertive partner is male or female (though if you close your eyes, it doesn't really matter, does it...). It is assumed, however, (except in the "ON MEN" section discussing the prostate gland) that the receptive partner has female genitalia.

Oh, one other thing. Most of the people around me have reclaimed the word "cunt" so that it no longer has derogatory connotations. I'm going to make free use of that term in this document.

THE BASIC TECHNIQUE

First, clip your fingernails. Unless you and your partner are latex-monogamous, put on latex gloves. If you absolutely must have long fingernails for fashion reasons, then put cotton balls around your fingernails and wear latex gloves over them. Apply water-based lube liberally to your insertive hand, whether your partner is aroused and "wet" or not.

The idea in general is to use the first and second fingers of one's preferred hand in the vagina, in one of two basic patterns. Alternate between these two patterns as desired during the course of sex.

1. Slowly insert the fingers as far into the vagina as far as is possible/comfortable, and move them in even circles. The trick here is to keep consistent, firm pressure along the entire length of the fingers against the vaginal walls, and to keep the pressure fairly constant at all points in the rotation (though you can give a LITTLE extra pressure at 12 o'clock, in the direction of the G-spot, as long as you don't break the rotational rhythm.)

2. Place your fingers so that the fingertips are just behind the pubic bone, exerting pressure upwards (assuming your partner is lying on her back). This is direct G-spot stimulation, and feels best if the fingers are subtlely moving somehow. You can slowly rock in a circular motion, or if the fingers are pointed more sharply upwards you can rock forwards and back. Sometimes firm pressure is preferred here, depending on the amount and sensitivity of the tissue between the vaginal wall and the urethral sponge (see below).

BUT WHY?

The reason this feels so good is that it alternates feelings of being completely stuffed (#1) with direct G-spot stimulation (#2). So it's like being fucked by a huge cock with fingers and a brain. It also provides a great, and as far as we know optimal, opportunity for G-spot orgasms.

EMBELLISHMENTS

There's certainly other techniques you can add to your manual repertoire.

You can thrust your hand in and out in a simulated fucking style (and for an extra thrill, exert pressure upwards when withdrawing so you involve the G-spot on the way out).

You can use your thumb (of the insertive hand, or of another gloved hand) to stimulate the clitoris while working over her cunt.

You can use your non-insertive hand to do a wide variety of things: * Holding her * Running your hands over her body * Pinching nipples * Grabbing hair * Holding her hands above her head * Massaging/penetrating the anus (if she's lying on her side and your anal hand is gloved and lubed) * Having her suck your fingers * Etc.

You can lie down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and whisper hot things in her ear.

Some people put smooth, round beads in the fingertips of their gloves to provide more intense sensations when they have their hand in someone.

Other people slit their gloves up both sides, fold that up as a flap, and do oral sex on the clit through the flap while having their fingers in their lover's cunt (though you might want to get non-powdered gloves if you're going to do that so they taste better, or using a damp sponge wipe the powder off YOUR side of the flap).

One thing I personally can't do due to the size of my hands is actually vaginally fist someone. However, if your hands are small enough to do this with one of your female lovers and she's curious about it, it's definitely worth a try. With your hand palm up (and your lover on her back), you bring the fingers and thumb together to form a duck bill. With massaging, and possibly twisting motions, this can be worked into the vagina. If anatomy allows it, once you get in past the third knuckles the fingers will start to gently and naturally curve back to form a fist. Anyway, the whole procedure can take time, but the women and men who can take a whole fist vaginally or anally claim that it leads them to transcendant, spiritual states. See _Trust: The Handballing Book_ by Bert Herrman for a discussion of anal fisting, if that is your area of interest.

Oh, and before I forget... You and your partner might find the techniques described in this document to be more enjoyable if she is masturbating you as you are masturbating her (and whether you're male or female, remember the lube!)

But after having presented a multitude of specific techniques, let me say that eventually you can go beyond thinking about manual techniques at all and just go with the flow, being creative.

ON MULTIPLE ORGASMS

Most women who have experienced both claim that it is easier to have multiple G-spot orgasms than it is to have multiple clitoral orgasms. So, when you have your hand in some lovely tart, don't let the fact that she starts coming affect what you're doing too much. Whisper some words of encouragement to her and maybe rachet up the intensity just a little bit, but basically keep going through her orgasm, afterwards, and into the next one. Let HER tell you when she can't take any more; no sense in setting a priori limits :) There is often a pyramid effect with multiple G-spot orgasms; each one makes the next one feel better, and makes almost anything else sexual feel better too.

However, it should be said that it isn't too sexually or psychologically appealing to have a huge ego/emotional stake in having orgasms or having multiple orgasms, whether the person of concern is you or your partner. There's no point in getting "goal oriented" about something that's supposed to be fun.

ON CHEMICAL ENHANCEMENT

One other thing... I haven't done this for a long time, but I have found that when a female partner is high on pot it decreases the amount of time between one G-spot orgasm and the next, causing one orgasm to basically flow into the other. One partner described it as "forgetting" that she had come, hence coming again very quickly and for all practical purposes non-stop. Once when we were together and she was stoned, with my hand in her, she came continuously for two solid hours (we checked the clock). Anyway, I don't know if this is a universal phenomenon, but just so you know it's possible...

ANATOMICAL MUSINGS ON FEMALE EJACULATION AND THE PRESENCE OF THE G-SPOT

I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV. But...

According to _The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_ by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (which you should ALL get), the G-spot, anatomically, is the area beneath the urethral sponge. This would certainly at least partially explain its role in female ejaculation. It also sheds light on why G-spot stimulation makes some women feel like they have to pee when they really don't (though it HAS been shown that female ejaculate is NOT urine).

If you're interested in learning more on this topic you might consider watching the films _How to Female Ejaculate_ and _Sluts and Goddesses_. Still, it should be pointed out that female ejaculation is NOT a universal response to G-spot stimulation and orgasm; even among people who enjoy G-spot orgasms, it's still pretty rare.

So, since every woman has a urethral sponge, every woman has a G-spot. The only question is whether (#1) she likes having it stimulated and (#2) whether someone has used the proper technique and sufficiently firm pressure on it so that it IS being stimulated. When surveys show that a large percentage of women claim not to enjoy/notice G-spot stimulation, I personally suspect that it is often through concern #2 rather than from concern #1. That's purely speculative, of course; I have no data to back up that assertion. But anyway, try what I'm describing with some friends of yours and see what you think.

ON FINGER LENGTH

It helps to have long fingers, but it's no big deal. As long as your fingers can reach the G-spot and a little ways beyond, you're fine.

ON MEN

Many of these g-spot techniques will work in a similar fashion on men when performed anally. Men have what is called a "prostate gland," the stimulation of which can provoke and/or intensify orgasms. One may stimulate the prostate gland with the fingers a few inches inside the anus by pressing towards the penis. The prostate gland can often be palpated, and often feels like a little dome. Please see Jack Morin's book _Anal Pleasure and Health_ or _The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_ by Winks and Semans for more information on prostate stimulation.

SAFER SEX CHOICES

To be completely safe with manual stimulation, you should wear gloves and use lube.

The best gloves to use are latex; vinyl feels terrible. It doesn't matter whether the gloves are powdered or not, but be sure they fit you properly. Also, always use water-based lube on the outside of your gloves, preferably something nice and thick (without Nonoxynol-9) like ForPlay. It doesn't matter if the receptive partner is highly aroused and "wet" or not; use lube anyway. Oil-based lubes like regular Crisco have their place in anal fisting, but oils can break down latex and can provoke vaginitis when used in the vagina.

Anyway, turning to safe sex in general for a moment, I've tried a lot of the products out there and have settled on the following:

Water-based Lube: ForPlay, without N-9 Latex Condoms: Kimono MicroThins, without N-9 Oral Barriers: Glyde "Lollyles" Gloves: Standard Latex Examination Gloves, powdered Towelettes: Benzalkonium Chloride antiseptic towelettes

The Kimono MicroThin condoms taste fine for oral sex; certainly, they taste better than powdered, unlubed condoms and those mint condoms. The Glyde barriers, like all oral barriers, feel even better if you put a drop of water-based lube on your partner's side before applying them. Some people like to put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of a condom before putting it on to increase sensation.

GETTING SAFE SEX SUPPLIES

If you're in Seattle or are willing to do mail order, the best place to get lube is Toys in Babeland (XXX-XXX-XXXX) and the best place to get condoms and Glyde oral barriers is The Rubber Tree (XXX-XXX-XXXX). The best place to get Antiseptic Towlettes in Seattle is Choice Medical (XXX-XXX-XXXX), but through mail order you might try Conney (XXX-XXX-XXXX). The best place to get latex examination gloves in Seattle is Bartel drugs, but through mail order you might try Conney again (XXX-XXX-XXXX). If you want more information on safer sex and for a listing of sexuality resources, please refer to the Society for Human Sexuality WWW page at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/

MAKING A SAFER SEX TOY BAG

You can make a toy bag with your safe sex supplies in them which you can just grab when going out to play. With the lube, you can get a little bottle for it that you can refill from your economy bottle. Condoms and towelettes come attached to each other in groups, so they stay neat. You can put all the Glyde dams in one small zip-lock bag, and put a supply of gloves INSIDE one glove for storage. This whole kit should then fit in a hip pack or a pocket of a bookbag for a minimum of fumbling around in the heat of passion.

ON FILM...

If you want to get any of the films mentioned in this document (oh, and one other we recommend: _Safe is Desire_), you can buy them from Good Vibrations (XXX-XXX-XXXX) or if you're in Seattle rent them from Scarecrow Video (XXX-XXX-XXXX).

Happy Loving!

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