another sex tutorial

Since the 1960’s, when Kinsey began to bring sex out of the closet, there has been such a great deal of open discussion centred around the female orgasm that many women feel under intense pressure to 'perform'. If you feel your partner is comparing you to previous lovers, or to an orgasmic ideal in his head, it detracts from the intimate pleasure of sex and turns it into a competition.

Many women are bothered by the idea that there may be two types of orgasm - vaginal and clitoral. They wonder whether the orgasms they are experiencing are 'the real thing'. But are there really two types of orgasm? It was Freud who first suggested that there were. He said that the orgasm experienced through clitoral stimulation was the precursor of a deeper, more satisfying orgasm experienced in the vagina during penetration by the penis. According to him, the vaginal orgasm was a 'true, mature' sexual response, while the clitoral orgasm was its immature inferior. The value judgements Freud and his followers placed on the two types of orgasm have caused a lot of unhappiness among some women who never experience orgasm during penetration. They feel that they are missing out, and are therefore inadequate: less than 'real women'.

Researchers into sexual response have been much concerned with the categorization of the female orgasm since Freud's time. Kinsey's view was that there was only one type of orgasm, that it was triggered by clitoral stimulation and involved contractions of all parts of the female body, including the vagina. He could not distinguish a second type of orgasm that centered solely on the vagina, and he utterly refuted Freud's distinction between 'mature' and 'immature' orgasms.

Subsequent clinical evidence has proved conclusively that Kinsey was right, and now sexologists are generally agreed that an orgasm is an orgasm. Researcher Helen Kaplan has come to this conclusion: 'Regardless of how friction is applied to the clitoris, i.e. by the tongue, by the woman's finger or her partner's, by a vibrator, or by coitus, female orgasm is probably always evoked by clitoral stimulation. However, it is always expressed by circurnvaginal muscle discharge.'

Although all orgasms are equal, women do report different sensations according to whether they are being penetrated or masturbated. And the surprise is that masturbatory orgasms, which are experienced by all women who can teach themselves to come through masturbation, alone or with a partner, are the more pleasurably acute. All women who orgasm in this way know the acute tension of the clitoris. The voluptuous rushing sensation that breaks into multiple contractions of the surrounding tissue. A small minority of women (around 20 per cent, according to sex researcher Shere Hite), who also orgasm with a penis inside the vagina, describe that as a quite different experience. Although Freud claimed that orgasms during intercourse were superior, the majority of women in a survey carried out by Shere Hite said they were less intense. Whereas masturbatory orgasm is experienced as a high, sweet, rippling sensation, the peak of sensitivity, orgasm with penetration is like the boom of a distant explosion, powerful, but somewhat muffled.

 Orgasms triggered by the partner's fingers or tongue, and by masturbation, are probably more intense because stimulation is more localized and more sensitively guided. Masters and Johnson reported stronger contraction spasms and higher rates of heartbeat during orgasm without intercourse, and especially during masturbation, and many women confirmed that they had their best orgasms when alone. Orgasm during penetration is undoubtedly quite rare for many women because a thrusting penis can stimulate the clitoris only 'in passing', if at all, depending on the position of the couple. The orgasm experienced may be more diffuse because the penis alters the focus of attention from the clitoris to the whole of the lower part of the woman's body, and because the vagina is full ‘muffling' the sensation.

A simultaneous orgasm, when both partners come together during penetration, may feel like a surprisingly big underground explosion, but it probably offers the least in terms of sensual awareness. The reason for this is that if both parties are focused on their own experience or 'black-out' and become oblivious of each other, the sensation of the partner's orgasm is largely lost. For a woman, simultaneous orgasm is often followed by a feeling of disorientation, and a disappointment that lovemaking has come to an end.

Orgasm during intercourse is often less acute. However, many of the women who are able to experience it prefer it for emotional reasons, because it involves complete body-to-body contact, holding the partner and giving oneself to him at the same time. Feeling whole and loved and emotionally satisfied are important aspects of a good sexual relationship, but these feelings can be experienced whether orgasm takes place during intercourse or not. What is important is that women should experience regular masturbatory orgasms. Orgasm relieves tension, recharges the body and revitalizes the mind. It leaves the woman feeling sparkling and whole. When shared with a partner, it represents the peak of sexual fulfillment and can be a powerful expression of love, helping to unite the couple.

Multiple and sequential orgasms, like vaginal and clitoral orgasms, are concepts which have caused a lot of confusion and left many women worried that their sexual response might be somewhat inadequate. Because orgasms come in waves, some women are not even sure whether their orgasms are multiple or single. Multiple orgasms are those that are experienced in a chain, one directly after another; sequential orgasms are those with a gap of a few minutes between each one. It seems that true multiple orgasm is extremely rare, although many women are capable of sequential orgasm.

On the topic of multiple orgasm, Masters and Johnson wrote: "If a female who is capable of having regular orgasms is properly stimulated within a short period after her first climax, she will in most instances be capable of having a second, third, fourth, and even a fifth and sixth orgasm before she is fully satiated. As contrasted with the male's usual inability to have more than one orgasm in a short period, many females, especially when clitorally stimulated, can regularly have five or six full orgasms within a matter of minutes."

Being capable of six orgasms in a row is not the same as needing or even wanting that many. According to Shere Hite, about 90 per cent of women who orgasm feel completely satisfied with a single climax. And in many women the clitoris remains hypersensitive, and further stimulation is uncomfortable and can even prove painful.

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